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From terms your grandma can use (no funny business in this house), to sexual slang that could even make a sailor blush (anyone for bearded clam), since the dawn of time we have been using hilarious and downright ridiculous euphemisms for sex.
While everyone knows what a bit of wink wink nudge nude is, public sex talk can actually be way more outlandish and imaginative. Finding one-word wonders for a little horizontal refreshment is a practice that has been around for the last few centuries.
From aristocrats giggling over joining the convivial society to your parents giving a nod to hanky panky and your friends referring to their latest 'fuck' over cocktails, there's a long tradition of using pithy nicknames and outlandish word combinations when it comes to tying a true lover's knot. Here, we delve into all the frisky fun of the English language as we explore some of the best euphemisms for sex throughout the whole of history.
Hear Ye Hear Ye - Alt Sex Terms from the Past
While we may think that everyone was too uptight in the past few centuries to get down with it in the biblical sense, history is full of sexy time delights. Just think of all those ripping corsets and bachelor balls.
We've all seen Bridgerton right? Of course, as it wasn't the done thing back then to talk about sex, they had to come up with all kinds of killer nicknames for when intercourse occurred and here are some of our faves.
Let's see how many you have heard before...
- Make the beast with two backs - this line from Shakespeares crafty Iago in Othello dates back to the 1500s and paints quite the picture...
- Give a girl a green gown - charming enough, this endeavour actually refers to lying down with a maiden in the green grass and dates back to the 1300s.
- Shaking of the sheets - in Medieval lore, these code words were really not as subtle as people may have thought.
- Amorous congress - a highly polite term for sexual intercourse dating back to genteel days
- Shoot twixt wind and water - they really were into poetic musings in the late 1600s, either that or other outlandish word combinations.
- Riding St George - a vintage take on the cowgirl position that comes from the 1800s and the tale of St George and the dragon, the person on top gets to play the dragon.
- Have your corn ground -as corn was ground repeatedly by pounding it with a stone, this phrase carries considerable meaning and sounds like a classic f*** boy idea of great sex.
- Horizontal refreshment - A late 1800's vibe that makes us kind of thirsty...
- Make whoopee - The jazz era of the 1920s introduced us to the term whoopee stick.
- Take a roll in the hay - From the 1940s, this endearing term has that old fashioned magic.
- Do the deed of darkness - Goths rejoice! This is exactly the term we want for sex and it's all thanks to the Egyptians back in the 1500s.
- Grope for trout in a peculiar river - We have Shakespeare and the 1600's to thank for this little gem. This was the first fishy reference (we can't say we are a fan of this trend) and paved the way for all the ocean-bound references to come - not to mention giving those people with vaginas paranoia about cunnilingus for centuries. Cheers Will.
- Give one's arse a salad - No idea, but honestly, we are here for this medieval English phrase of magic dating all the way back to the 1600s.
An Epic List of Euphemisms for Sex
While we love a bit of sexy etymology, we also want to delve deeper than the standard lexicon and get into the nitty-gritty of all the sex synonyms we could conjure. From the classics to the new creatives, here are a billion different ways you can refer to bam bam...
Classic Faves
Sometimes you can't beat the traditional limits and these easy vocabulary words have already made history as being a euphemism for sex. Sure, you won't be scoring points with the cool crowd here, but these handy phrases certainly get the point across.
- Getting laid
- Making love
- Funny business
- Afternoon delight
- Knocking boots
- Doing it
- A bit of hows yer father
- Getting down
- Jumping bones
- Getting lucky
- Tap that
One Word Wonders 
Sometimes all it takes is a single word. Forget beating around the bush or going ham when you can spit out a few syllables and get down to business quick. Here are our favorite one-syllable word wonders that can stand in for sex.
- F***
- Shag
- Bone
- Bang
- Boink
- Screw
- Nail
- Shtupp
- Ball
- Rut
- Score
- Smash
SHOP SOZY
Food Related Phrasings
Who doesn't love mixing sexy time up with all the edible delights. From the eggplant emoji to a thousand tongue in cheek phrases about cucumbers and bananas, there is simply so much fun to be had comparing genitals and sexy thrusts to our favorite foods.
- Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch
- Bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house
- Putting the bread in the oven
- Tossing a hot dog down a hallway
- Having a hot beef injection
- Sending out for sushi
- Boarding the beef bus
- A bit of crumpet
- Playing hide the sausage
- Banana in a fruit salad
- Baking the potato
- Batter dipping the corn dog
- Churning butter
- Filling the cream donut
- Glazing the donut
- Banana in the fruit salad
- A bellyful of marrow
- Passing the gravy
- Planting the parsnips
- Putting the sour cream in the burrito
- Toasting the bagel
- Stuffin the muffin
- Makin bacon
The Weird and the Wonderful
The English language is a fabulous thing and this astounding list has enough choice to make you laugh, cry, wince or blush with shame. We warn all squeamish readers that this list may have a few sayings to push your boundaries or some that may even tickle your fancy (we just can't help ourselves).
- Bumping uglies
- Matrimonial polka
- Horizontal tango
- Conquer the pink fortress
- Two-person pushups
- Assault with a friendly weapon
- A bit of the old in out
- Bedroom rodeo
- Hot yoga
- Parallel parking
- Bow chick a wow wow
- Bushwacking
- Chesterfield rugby
- A visit from old one eye
- Crushing buns
- Dipping the wick
- Disappointing the wife
- Bedroom rodeo
- Doing the nasty
- Business time
- Balls deep
- Exploring the hidden valley
- Hitting a home run
- Cleaning cobwebs in the womb room
- Riding the bony express
- Open the gates of Mordor
- Foxtrot uniform charlie kilo
- Slytherin the Hufflepuff
- Christening the yak
- Digging up the sand crab
- Bending over a barrel
- Harpooning the salty longshoreman
- Jamming the clam
- Pile driving
- Taking one eye to the optometrist
- Waka waka
- Waxing ass
- Wetting the willy
- Using a telescope to explore the black hole
- Wiggling the tooth-pick
- Torpedoing the eel
- Sending an email to the spam folder
- Souring the kraut
- Splooge bathing
- Wam bam thank you mam
- Fornicating
- Playing with the box the kids came in
- Tipping the velvet
- Pee pee friction pleasure
- Taking the skinboat to tuna town
The G Rated Terms
For those who want to wink wink nudge nudge but don't want to let the cat out of the bag when the relatives or the kids are around, these G rated terms are quaint enough or just out there enough not to raise a single eyebrow.
- Testing the mattress
- Making faces
- Doing the monster mash
- The no pants dance
- A trip to pound town
- Checking the oil
- Sweeping the chimney
- Rumpy pumpy
- Adult naptime
- Carnal embrace
- Dancing in the sheets
- Driving Miss Daisy
- Entering the castle
- Give the dog a bone
- Hiding the bishop
- To know someone in the biblical sense
- Mashing the fat
- Pumping fur
- Whitewashing the picket fence
- Tunnel patrol
- The tube snake boogie
- Making a hole in the welcome mat
- Whittling the love branch
- Sharpening the pencil
- taking grandma to Applebees
- Waving the Weasley wand
- Seeing a man about a dog
How many of these sexual euphemisms did you know? Any favorites that we missed? Share all your best hot and sweaty synonyms with us in the comments.
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