130+ Hilarious Euphemisms for Sex You Didn't Know You Needed

From terms your grandma can use (no funny business in this house), to sexual slang that could even make a sailor blush (anyone for bearded clam), since the dawn of time we have been using hilarious and downright ridiculous euphemisms for sex.

While everyone knows what a bit of wink wink nudge nude is, public sex talk can actually be way more outlandish and imaginative. Finding one-word wonders for a little horizontal refreshment is a practice that has been around for the last few centuries.

From aristocrats giggling over joining the convivial society to your parents giving a nod to hanky panky and your friends referring to their latest 'fuck' over cocktails, there's a long tradition of using pithy nicknames and outlandish word combinations when it comes to tying a true lover's knot. Here, we delve into all the frisky fun of the English language as we explore some of the best euphemisms for sex throughout the whole of history.

Hear Ye Hear Ye - Alt Sex Terms from the Past

While we may think that everyone was too uptight in the past few centuries to get down with it in the biblical sense, history is full of sexy time delights. Just think of all those ripping corsets and bachelor balls.

We've all seen Bridgerton right? Of course, as it wasn't the done thing back then to talk about sex, they had to come up with all kinds of killer nicknames for when intercourse occurred and here are some of our faves.

Let's see how many you have heard before...

• Make the beast with two backs - this line from Shakespeares crafty Iago in Othello dates back to the 1500s and paints quite the picture...
• Give a girl a green gown - charming enough, this endeavour actually refers to lying down with a maiden in the green grass and dates back to the 1300s.
• Shaking of the sheets - in Medieval lore, these code words were really not as subtle as people may have thought.
• Amorous congress - a highly polite term for sexual intercourse dating back to genteel days
• Shoot twixt wind and water - they really were into poetic musings in the late 1600s, either that or other outlandish word combinations.
• Riding St George - a vintage take on the cowgirl position that comes from the 1800s and the tale of St George and the dragon, the person on top gets to play the dragon.
• Have your corn ground -as corn was ground repeatedly by pounding it with a stone, this phrase carries considerable meaning and sounds like a classic f*** boy idea of great sex.
• Horizontal refreshment - A late 1800's vibe that makes us kind of thirsty...
• Make whoopee - The jazz era of the 1920s introduced us to the term whoopee stick.
• Take a roll in the hay - From the 1940s, this endearing term has that old fashioned magic.
• Do the deed of darkness - Goths rejoice! This is exactly the term we want for sex and it's all thanks to the Egyptians back in the 1500s.
• Grope for trout in a peculiar river - We have Shakespeare and the 1600's to thank for this little gem. This was the first fishy reference (we can't say we are a fan of this trend) and paved the way for all the ocean-bound references to come - not to mention giving those people with vaginas paranoia about cunnilingus for centuries. Cheers Will.
• Give one's arse a salad - No idea, but honestly, we are here for this medieval English phrase of magic dating all the way back to the 1600s.